Boom! Pow! Womp! Comic Book Fighting Sounds! I’m not entirely sure if I am the one making the sounds or the one on the receiving end of them, but here we are. I’m officially 34 levels up now.  

I’ve been reflecting on my life a little and honestly, I have no idea if I’m ahead or behind. “Successful” is not something you could really call my career, both in the writing space or in the real job sense of the word. But, I can’t say that my life has been bad. There have been bad moments, gods know there have been struggles and trials and our new favorite buzz word “trauma,” but overall it’s been good I think.  

I’ve been gazing towards the horizon, looking out for what comes next. My book release is coming in the fall. I’m trying to work as hard as I can to get my release slotted for September, but so far, the timeline is still up in the air since so much work is left to be done. But, I did promise myself my first book would be published before I turned 35, and low and behold I actually fucking did it... or I will have done it. Whatever tense fits the future tense of this particular situation. (I’m clearly no editor, I’m an idea woman.) 

The process of getting my novel out there is a LOT of work. I didn’t think it would be easy, but I honestly didn’t think it would be this much. Mostly it’s this ridiculous social media component I didn’t really think too hard about and now I’m sort of reeling from it. It’s a full-time job in and of itself, this “generating a media presence” fuckery. I honestly feel like a snake oil salesman, peddling a fictional product to all of you. (Yes, that’s a pun.) Partly because the physical book is not in my hands, I find myself feeling like I’m trying to sell you, well snake oil. (If you don’t know what that means... I can’t help you because I have to go cry over how god’s damned old I am.)  

I’ve been soliciting social media posters whose profiles and feeds I enjoy, that enjoy my gerne of work, and being like “hey, you want an advanced reader copy of my book to review, for free cause I’m the broke ass indie author?” Many have said “yes” which gives me such joy. But, at the same time these advanced reader copies are not ready and will not be ready for months yet and I feel like a fool asking so early but I’ve been told by my publisher to already start this. It feels bad... I feel as if my integrity dwindles with every self-promoting step. Unfortunately, this is the only way to sell this book in this day and age. I cannot huddle in my writing cave and hope that people notice my book, I need to shove it in their faces because otherwise it will be lost in the sea of books that are published regularly.  
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So, here we are... I do hope you, dear reader, end up purchasing a copy of this would-be book and that you love it as much as I do, even though at times I hate it so much.  

Another rotation around the sun has returned to its inevitable origin. We’re back at the start, another turn around the boiling sphere of light that ensures we can see another day, another dawn, that brings an end to the night.  
It's been a tough year for a lot of us, me included. A roller coaster of ups and downs, of positives and not so positives and a flurry of days that seem to have all passed in the blink of an eye.    
I finished my developmental edits between the holidays over the last week. I sent in the manuscript and immediately panicked that I’d fucked it up. That I missed some critical theme, point, character development, etc etc and that my manuscript would be found lacking. Because I am technically self-publishing I am determined to hold the whole project to a higher standard than that of a traditionally published book. I want you, dear reader, to look at that finished book in your hands and know that everyone put in everything they had to make it an enjoyable, beautiful, and cherished product for you to consume and be proud to have in your hands. So, you can understand why I have a panic attack every step of the way.  
I’m sad to say that I did not find time over the last month to write a single word for the second installment of the Aeternum Series. It was on the back burner as I painstakingly took apart Dawning of the Sun and put it back together with more emotion, more character interaction, and more connection. The deep dark part of my heart knows that I’ve improved the manuscript with the help of my wonderful editor Rebecca. I am a nervous writer, I am constantly doubting and questioning if my words are well written, if they are understood, if I’ve made the point I’ve trying to make. Rebecca’s responses to my (probably very primitive and stupid questions) gave me the confidence to actually admit that I, in fact, am pretty good at this.  
I had planned to finish the first draft of Waning of the Moon, Book two in the Aeternum Series by the eve of December 31, 2023. I did not get there. I have all my scenes planned out, and while I did hit a very respectable 100,863 word count, there are still a whopping sixteen scenes I have planned until I reach the inevitable end of that story. I suspect that the first draft will come in at a staggering 150,000, but this number will ebb and flow with every revision. I can’t even guess what the final count will end up being.  
So, for anyone keeping up with my progress, for anyone interested in the upcoming release of Dawning of the Sun, it is happening. Work is always being done. I have a variety of other universes on the back burners, simmering. I’m hoping to build a respectable career from all these stories overflowing in my head. Thank you for being with me along the way, as I take my first steps on the path to becoming a real, honest to goodness, author. I am so grateful that you even considering spending your time with my little words.  

I missed two months of posts... I know, I know. I’m the scum of the earth! I know there are a very very small handful of you lovely humans that actually take the time to subscribe and maybe even read this. So, I thank you.  

It’s been a daunting few months and it’s still not over. I’m currently on my second round of major edits for my upcoming novel Dawning of the Sun that has a 2024 release expectation. However, I’ve discovered a rift in... let us call it background goings on in the novel and I have to repair it. So, here I am on the cusp of finishing off some additional scenes, some scene cut backs, and BAM! WHAM! It hits me like a hot, wet fish slap. The thing that every writing lecture/workshop/advisory committee has been trying to drill into my little stubborn noggin, KNOW YOUR CHARACTERS MOTIVATIONS. I did, or I thought I did, but these things can change and by the gods, it did. At exactly the mid-point of the book my editor commented “I’m losing her motivation here.” Apparently so was I. So, I just dipped my toe into the paragraph to adjust it and, like all revelations, it snowballed into a massive threat that rolled down that hill, gaining speed and size until it took the second half of the novel with it! 

Okay, not really. The plot will remain the same. Events will unfold as they always have, but now I have to review, revise, and make sure that Sol’s motivations are right. I think deep down, I always knew this was the path she was on, but I had not put it into the right words, I hadn’t let the subtext become text. But there it was, in plain simple Times New Roman. My conscious mind looked at my subconscious and said, “Well, fuck.”  

So here I am, still needed to add new scenes, still needing to do a pass for word use, still needing to adjust 250 pages of a 410 page manuscript, and my publisher is like “so where are those edits at?” Ha! I told them that they are underway... and that I need 2-3 more weeks. I’m hoping to have the final pass done before the new year, but I had also hoped to have the first draft of the second installment of The Aeternum Series done. That has taken a back seat. I haven’t written a word since the first week of October. But that’s how this snowball rolls and it’s going to take its own toll on the second book anyways.  

In other news, the publisher has completed my very professional landing page that will become my new website. I didn’t want to lose any of you lovelies, so I kept the blog. It will be imbedded within the new site, but for now it’s back to a free blog in a land of blogs.  

My back copy is done and I have toiled over these few paragraphs for far longer than was probably necessary, but I’m happy with what came out of the pain of working on it. 
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Thanks again for your patience and your scrap of time, dear readers. I hope that when this beast is out in the world, you’ll have a chance to dive into its pages and enjoy the hell out of it.  

Things in my world are moving. I feel like I’m being tossed around in a drier, actually. I’m moving in circles and I’m not sure if I’m getting any drier and I’m not even sure why I’m wet or what the substance that will not dry is.  

I am self-publishing my book through an aggregate (as you know if you’ve read any of my other posts) and so I’ve been getting to speak with my book team. Everyone seems so stoked to work on my book and while part of me knows that this enthusiasm is for my benefit since I’m technically their employer, part of me wants to believe that it’s truly how they feel about it. I’m excited. I worked on this thing for so damn long and I just want to share it with others. I see myself as a little kid holding out their terrible rendition of a horse that looks more like a pig or a goat. “Look, look! I made this!”  

I’ve got cover mockups in my future, which both excites and terrifies me. Covers make or break books. I need a good cover. I need a “holy shit snacks, look at that cover! I need to read that it seems dope!” kind of cover... I want you to walk past my book and do a damn double take of that cover. The cover is that hot chick in a mini skirt or that ripped guy with the beautiful tattoos... whatever your flavor, my cover needs to be it! And this is why I’m halfway to a panic attack about what the damn cover will look like.  

Additionally, I’ve received my first manuscript evaluation. It’s got a whole 3 paragraphs on what was done well, and 5 pages of what needs improvement. I am grateful that the editor did not hold back and it’s not like she went so far as to insult me. All of her feedback was provided in a positive manner, but boy oh boy did it bruise my fragile writer’s ego. Like, damn girl can we take a moment? I’ve been processing these comments and suggestions for a few days now and I know that I need to rewrite and restructure the first 100 pages of my book. Ouch. I also know that these pages were those first written and mostly in my teens so it’s clear why the second half of the manuscript is much better.  
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All my roads lead to a book that I wrote in physical (and digital) form for mass consumption, but the road is long, winding, and bumpy. There is a lot riding on this to do well. So, no matter how this road gets me there, I will walk it until I have that final copy in my hands. Then I’ll have to embark on a whole new road, the one that leads to sales and oh boy, am I NOT a saleswoman. I will likely resort to whacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man tactics to get those sales. I’m sorry, but self-respect be damned I will need to sell this book.  

All my brain has been able to manage lately is edits, word count, edits, word count. I’m running through my manuscript a final time before submitting it for editor evaluation. I’ve been pouring over it and both loving and hating myself and my brain throughout the process. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to maintain pace on the second novel as I near my word count goal, which will not even cover the second act. I have a knack for long AF novels, apparently. This is both a blessing and a nightmare.  

Plus, I’ve got other things in life that need my attention. Life continues on around me as I shovel at the mountain of words that squat in my brain like an immovable toad. (Yes, it’s a mixed metaphor).I keep getting flashes of characters, scenes, dialogue, plot details for OTHER novels, ones I am not currently working on! My mind is a cluster cuss of ideas and I want to get them all out. But dear gods, can you take a break, brain? I know I’m literally complaining about having too much material, which a lot of authors struggle to have. I bet you dollars to doughnuts that anyone who takes a peek inside of my brain will have an aneurism.  
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So, this is where I’m at. I’m working as fast as life and my sanity will allow to get this monster of a novel to that finish line while only just starting the marathon for the second installment. Deep breaths? You mean panicked wheezy shallow inhales, right?