Where The Road Leads

Things in my world are moving. I feel like I’m being tossed around in a drier, actually. I’m moving in circles and I’m not sure if I’m getting any drier and I’m not even sure why I’m wet or what the substance that will not dry is.  

I am self-publishing my book through an aggregate (as you know if you’ve read any of my other posts) and so I’ve been getting to speak with my book team. Everyone seems so stoked to work on my book and while part of me knows that this enthusiasm is for my benefit since I’m technically their employer, part of me wants to believe that it’s truly how they feel about it. I’m excited. I worked on this thing for so damn long and I just want to share it with others. I see myself as a little kid holding out their terrible rendition of a horse that looks more like a pig or a goat. “Look, look! I made this!”  

I’ve got cover mockups in my future, which both excites and terrifies me. Covers make or break books. I need a good cover. I need a “holy shit snacks, look at that cover! I need to read that it seems dope!” kind of cover... I want you to walk past my book and do a damn double take of that cover. The cover is that hot chick in a mini skirt or that ripped guy with the beautiful tattoos... whatever your flavor, my cover needs to be it! And this is why I’m halfway to a panic attack about what the damn cover will look like.  

Additionally, I’ve received my first manuscript evaluation. It’s got a whole 3 paragraphs on what was done well, and 5 pages of what needs improvement. I am grateful that the editor did not hold back and it’s not like she went so far as to insult me. All of her feedback was provided in a positive manner, but boy oh boy did it bruise my fragile writer’s ego. Like, damn girl can we take a moment? I’ve been processing these comments and suggestions for a few days now and I know that I need to rewrite and restructure the first 100 pages of my book. Ouch. I also know that these pages were those first written and mostly in my teens so it’s clear why the second half of the manuscript is much better.  
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All my roads lead to a book that I wrote in physical (and digital) form for mass consumption, but the road is long, winding, and bumpy. There is a lot riding on this to do well. So, no matter how this road gets me there, I will walk it until I have that final copy in my hands. Then I’ll have to embark on a whole new road, the one that leads to sales and oh boy, am I NOT a saleswoman. I will likely resort to whacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man tactics to get those sales. I’m sorry, but self-respect be damned I will need to sell this book.